It is not about what I wanted.
My first week I realized that I knew nothing and even thought about switching externships after 3 days of torture. I felt like a ***** everyday and was used to feeling pretty smart at good ol NYCPM.
After the 4th day I decided that I would forget trying to figure out what they thought about me (even if it was a *****) and that I would just learn as much as I could before I left. They read a lot and talk about pod stuff all the time. They make you do a 20 minute presentation. Since they read so much you are terrified to not read all the literature on your topic just in case they ask a question, which they will.
I almost never knew the right answer during pimping but I looked stuff up every night and sure did learn a lot.
I tell people that I learned more in one month PSL than I did in the 1st 3 years of school.
I did not learn enough however to go there as a resident. These people are unbelivable in how smart they are (I think).
The reason that I would not speak baddly of them even though they do not want me is
1. that is not my personality
2. that would be petty
3. I felt like they cared that I learned while I was there. It was not like they told me I was too dumb for them, I felt encouraged by them to strive for more. By them I mean the residents and attendings.