Non-Trad Ladies of SDN: Is Becoming a Doctor or Nurse Practitioner Better if You Want a Family?

[eatsleepdoc]

I've started the post-bacc pre-med journey just two months ago and so far I've been loving it. However, I've been talking to my fiance about starting a family and know that the earliest I can matriculate into medical school is 28 (I'm 25 now and can't take O-Chem until next year.) I see a bunch of female doctors I admire having kids and getting through medical school and residencies, but they often admit that they get help from family to raise their kids. I don't have that option as my family lives across the country from me and my parents are busy with their own careers and providing for my younger brothers (who're in high school).

Lately, I've been thinking more about Masters Direct Entry/Doctorate of Nurse Practitioner programs because my ultimate end-goal is to be a pediatric primary care provider. I like the education of medical school better (I'm science-oriented) but I like that nurse practitioners can do a lot of similar things as primary care physicians. Are any of you non-trad, post-bacc ladies in the same dilemma and do some of you who've gone through medical school/NP school have any insight on this?

Thank you in advance!

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[Crayola227]

husband and some $ matter.... you can do it that way

is there a man in the picture?

 

[Crayola227]

I see single women do what you are doing, go MD, and end up with husband and kids by 40, all the time

what order, when, how hard.....?

hard to live your life that many steps in advance

I think the differences being what they are, go MD. But, take my word with a grain of salt.

 

[750335]

husband and some $ matter.... you can do it that way

is there a man in the picture?

She mentions her fiance so I assume there is.

Only you can answer that OP. Some people are satisfied with being NPs, so if you are sure you are, sure. Otherwise, go MD. Life happens so who can predict the future, but you can certainly achieve your dream of a family and go to medical school.

 

[Crayola227]

She mentions her fiance so I assume there is.

Only you can answer that OP. Some people are satisfied with being NPs, so if you are sure you are, sure. Otherwise, go MD. Life happens so who can predict the future, but you can certainly achieve your dream of a family and go to medical school.

 

[Lorchik]

Do what your heart is telling you. Do you really want to be a doctor or a nurse? It's inside of you. It would be really not wise to spend some of your best years for the easier road but then realize it's not what you wanted.

 

[kmgfuturedoc1012]

Long time lurker, new poster commenting.

I can't really answer from as much experience as I am a woman also contemplating going to medical school after a career in something else. My spouse and I also want children. I'll have to give you an update as to how that will go but right now, I'm banking on the fact that I have a very egalitarian spouse as well as a stubborn and tenacious mind

I think it boils down to, what do you want to do? Doctors and nurses have very different roles. In the long term, would you be satisfied with doing the work of a nurse practitioner? If you weren't able to have kids, would you look back and think, "This was still right for me," or, "I really should have just gone to med school"?

In addition, while medical school and residency are incredibly demanding, there are fields of medicine that are more flexible than others(though it is still relative). It is hard when your family isn't there to help-but are there other supports out there for you? Like, a religious or community group you belong to?

Also, what does your fiance do for a living? Is he supportive? And, more than encouraging, is he willing to do the work of taking care of the children and the home (and more than just what you delegate to him, but taking an active role in planning and doing the work himself)? Is he willing to step back in his career in some ways to help yours develop? I think one thing we often do is expect women to do the extra work of developing their careers and taking care of their families(often with the help of family or outsourcing childcare/household duties if they're especially economically privileged), without expecting men in those relationships to shoulder any meaningful burden. Meanwhile, if a man decides to become a doctor or lawyer while being married and having kids, it's expected that his female partner will drop everything to make it work. Does he expect his career path to stay more or less the same or is he willing and able to make the changes needed to support you and your family through your training?

Again, I myself will have to check back in when I've been through it, but these are things I'm thinking about a lot. Congratulations on the engagement and on your new career path!

 

[Crayola227]

Doctors and nurses have very different roles. In the long term, would you be satisfied with doing the work of a nurse practitioner?

Also, what does your fiance do for a living? Is he supportive? And, more than encouraging, is he willing to do the work of taking care of the children and the home (and more than just what you delegate to him, but taking an active role in planning and doing the work himself)? Is he willing to step back in his career in some ways to help yours develop?

This.

This is frequently lacking, and makes a big big big difference.

 

[Lorchik]

I think one thing we often do is expect women to do the extra work of developing their careers and taking care of their families(often with the help of family or outsourcing childcare/household duties if they're especially economically privileged), without expecting men in those relationships to shoulder any meaningful burden. Meanwhile, if a man decides to become a doctor or lawyer while being married and having kids, it's expected that his female partner will drop everything to make it work. Does he expect his career path to stay more or less the same or is he willing and able to make the changes needed to support you and your family through your training?

So well said!!! I have 3 kids and my youngest one is starting School in one year. That what made it even possible to consider. The kids are older and can manage a lot by themselves. The only thing that I am regretting is that I did not start pre-reqs earlier. But it still would be almost impossible to do and manage. Good luck and let's keep up a good work.

 

[futuremdforme]

What if you applied for med school or residency where your family lives? Depending on your financial situation, you can outsource tons of stuff too. And your partner will have to realize he'll be the primary parent for much of the early years.

Having kids now and delaying med school by a few years is also an option.

 

[eatsleepdoc]

Long time lurker, new poster commenting.

I can't really answer from as much experience as I am a woman also contemplating going to medical school after a career in something else. My spouse and I also want children. I'll have to give you an update as to how that will go but right now, I'm banking on the fact that I have a very egalitarian spouse as well as a stubborn and tenacious mind

I think it boils down to, what do you want to do? Doctors and nurses have very different roles. In the long term, would you be satisfied with doing the work of a nurse practitioner? If you weren't able to have kids, would you look back and think, "This was still right for me," or, "I really should have just gone to med school"?

In addition, while medical school and residency are incredibly demanding, there are fields of medicine that are more flexible than others(though it is still relative). It is hard when your family isn't there to help-but are there other supports out there for you? Like, a religious or community group you belong to?

Also, what does your fiance do for a living? Is he supportive? And, more than encouraging, is he willing to do the work of taking care of the children and the home (and more than just what you delegate to him, but taking an active role in planning and doing the work himself)? Is he willing to step back in his career in some ways to help yours develop? I think one thing we often do is expect women to do the extra work of developing their careers and taking care of their families(often with the help of family or outsourcing childcare/household duties if they're especially economically privileged), without expecting men in those relationships to shoulder any meaningful burden. Meanwhile, if a man decides to become a doctor or lawyer while being married and having kids, it's expected that his female partner will drop everything to make it work. Does he expect his career path to stay more or less the same or is he willing and able to make the changes needed to support you and your family through your training?

Again, I myself will have to check back in when I've been through it, but these are things I'm thinking about a lot. Congratulations on the engagement and on your new career path!

Thank you so much for the kind words and insightful perspective! I was contemplating NP vs. MD and was delighted to log onto SDN and read your reply (after a week-long Internet hiatus to study for exams). You're so right about this idea that women are expected to find ways to manage their careers and family life seamlessly--I've been struggling with this recently and didn't really know how to describe that pressure; how you put it into words hit the nail on the head. When you asked me if I would regret not doing MD later on in life, I felt that my heart knows that being a MD is what I want. I crave that science knowledge, applying it to real lives in a helpful way, and doing everything in my power to contribute to the community as a physician. I think that, deep down, I just feel guilty about not being able to be there for my kids (if I have some later on) in their early years. I also feel guilty about not contributing financially to me and my fiance's lives as I continue on with school and we start a family.

My fiance is definitely supportive of me, though we've had our fair share of financial struggles (which is why the NP route seems more attractive as schooling is shorter and, in some programs, I could work as a nurse while in school). I have a couple more months to think deeply about this since it'll affect which pre-reqs I need to take in the upcoming semesters, but I just wanted to say your reply really helped me and it's truly comforting to know that others are in my position as well. I wish you the best in your future endeavors and decision on whether you should pursue medicine! It's so awesome to meet other non-trad ladies who became interested in medicine later on in life. Our stories are definitely diverse and interesting!

 

[eatsleepdoc]

What if you applied for med school or residency where your family lives? Depending on your financial situation, you can outsource tons of stuff too. And your partner will have to realize he'll be the primary parent for much of the early years.

Having kids now and delaying med school by a few years is also an option.

Thank you for your input! These are really good ideas. I currently live in NY and my family lives in CA, and it would be amazing to attend medical school in the west coast and have my family around to help. The main thing that makes me nervous is that CA med schools are known to be hyper-competitive and I'm an underdog (lower GPA & currently on mission to raise it these next two years). But I'm not ruling out this option--it only gives me greater reason to continue working hard!

 

[eatsleepdoc]

Do what your heart is telling you. Do you really want to be a doctor or a nurse? It's inside of you. It would be really not wise to spend some of your best years for the easier road but then realize it's not what you wanted.

Thank you for this. That's a great point, and once you said "it's inside of you" I instantly knew the answer. I appreciate it!

 

[Canterbury]

Everything is harder with kids (especially little kids). I've always known I wanted to be a mom, and I would not be a fulfilled person without experiencing motherhood. If you feel that way too, you might want to consider having kids now. My kids are 9 and 3 now, and I still have 2.5 years of undergrad left. I cannot imagine going through medical school or residency with a baby or small kids (though I know that plenty of women do it!) I have a very involved and supportive husband, which allows me time to study. I briefly thought about going the NP route, but ultimately, that would still take an enormous amount of time away from my kids and I wouldn't be following my true passion.