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- Jun 13, 2017
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Hi everyone, hoping I can get some wisdom from you all despite the unique situation I'm in. A little context:
I am a 23 y/o female who just began a full-time job last summer as a consultant for a major tech company. I travel to my client most weeks Monday-Thursday or Friday, have very full, long, and exhausting days, and come home to my "home base" city, which happens to be 3 states away from my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a first-year med student which as you know, isn't easy either. So on top of our distance, each of us lead busy, stressful lives. We always have been that way - we began dating 2.5 years ago when I was finishing undergrad and starting my Master's, and he was finishing his Master's and working a demanding job with our University's hospital network.
I am fortunate enough to have had a seamless relationship. We are both mature individuals who share the same values, lifestyle, dreams for the future, and embrace each other's quirks. We've traveled together, our friends love one another, and our families love the other like their own. Within 5 months of dating, my boyfriend told me I am the woman he will marry one day. We talk about the future like no other, and I plan on relocating to live with him after 2 full years with my company since at that point, I can live anywhere (he'd be going into rotations then).
BUT- we've just recently hit a few bumps in the road. This shook me to my core, because it was so unfamiliar for us....me, coming off an anxiety medication (for other reasons) weathering taper side effects and a series of stressful criticism from work, and him, losing steam from a nightmarish block and running on reserves to finish out the year. When I was going through my taper a few months ago, I was texting him nonstop, would call 3-4 times per day, and could feel him growing distant. I brought this up, and he candidly told me that it had been irritating him, and he encouraged me to seek counseling (which I since have). What paralyzed me most, was that he said our conversations were getting stale. I think this is a result of me unable to be present when we'd speak, because my mind was racing anxiously, or the fact that when you speak to someone 5 times a day...what new do you have to talk about?
Although we are past this, that word stale still haunts me. I find myself overly conscious about my conversations with him, afraid I sound too boring. Meanwhile, he has also been in a depressive state. Very down about school and the negativity pervading his peer network. I try to provide as much encouragement as I can, but how can I help in addition to sending care packages and sounding like a broken record? I'm afraid he is going to end the relationship because he may be overcome by his stressful feelings, and the fact that I am not adding anything refreshing. I cannot imagine my life without him - he is my life and the one constant in my future. We just planned a summer trip and even that, I'm hoping he will last until. I just want validation that his "I love yous" are sincere.
so 2 questions:
-What things are particularly effective to say to your medical SO when he/she's feeling beat?
-Is our relationship doomed? Or am I creating some distorted reality in my mind? (I'm real good at that)
I have been unable to focus or sleep, this is weighing on my heart.
I am a 23 y/o female who just began a full-time job last summer as a consultant for a major tech company. I travel to my client most weeks Monday-Thursday or Friday, have very full, long, and exhausting days, and come home to my "home base" city, which happens to be 3 states away from my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a first-year med student which as you know, isn't easy either. So on top of our distance, each of us lead busy, stressful lives. We always have been that way - we began dating 2.5 years ago when I was finishing undergrad and starting my Master's, and he was finishing his Master's and working a demanding job with our University's hospital network.
I am fortunate enough to have had a seamless relationship. We are both mature individuals who share the same values, lifestyle, dreams for the future, and embrace each other's quirks. We've traveled together, our friends love one another, and our families love the other like their own. Within 5 months of dating, my boyfriend told me I am the woman he will marry one day. We talk about the future like no other, and I plan on relocating to live with him after 2 full years with my company since at that point, I can live anywhere (he'd be going into rotations then).
BUT- we've just recently hit a few bumps in the road. This shook me to my core, because it was so unfamiliar for us....me, coming off an anxiety medication (for other reasons) weathering taper side effects and a series of stressful criticism from work, and him, losing steam from a nightmarish block and running on reserves to finish out the year. When I was going through my taper a few months ago, I was texting him nonstop, would call 3-4 times per day, and could feel him growing distant. I brought this up, and he candidly told me that it had been irritating him, and he encouraged me to seek counseling (which I since have). What paralyzed me most, was that he said our conversations were getting stale. I think this is a result of me unable to be present when we'd speak, because my mind was racing anxiously, or the fact that when you speak to someone 5 times a day...what new do you have to talk about?
Although we are past this, that word stale still haunts me. I find myself overly conscious about my conversations with him, afraid I sound too boring. Meanwhile, he has also been in a depressive state. Very down about school and the negativity pervading his peer network. I try to provide as much encouragement as I can, but how can I help in addition to sending care packages and sounding like a broken record? I'm afraid he is going to end the relationship because he may be overcome by his stressful feelings, and the fact that I am not adding anything refreshing. I cannot imagine my life without him - he is my life and the one constant in my future. We just planned a summer trip and even that, I'm hoping he will last until. I just want validation that his "I love yous" are sincere.
so 2 questions:
-What things are particularly effective to say to your medical SO when he/she's feeling beat?
-Is our relationship doomed? Or am I creating some distorted reality in my mind? (I'm real good at that)
I have been unable to focus or sleep, this is weighing on my heart.