MD M2 just venting...

[KendallJennerSniperLady69]

i think the last time i felt happy about my professional/career life was when i got into medical school. the problem isn't medicine as a profession or learning about it, but more about the people in medicine and the overall environment i've found myself in.

the personalities are for the most part so weird (in a negative way), toxic, high-strung; and i have bad social anxiety that magnifies all this. the down-to-earth, laid-back, chill personalities are few and far between. i went to a large public undergrad where my friend group and i sort of just found each other organically, but now i go to a very small med school where i feel like i've failed to find friends that i can truly open up to and be vulnerable with and i have little options to choose from to begin with.

on top of all this, i feel like my school's administration and teaching is just terrible (despite being at a T20 school). compared to those at the institution i worked and studied at before, the majority of the faculty here don't seem like they enjoy working with students, and it feels like they are only in academia to take advantage of the hierarchy in medicine to stroke their own ego/pad their own resumes. with match day now behind, i just feel dread that i will be one of the people who will go unmatched when my time comes because i feel that i'm extremely dissatisfied about my learning/progress so far, and my school admin seems like they couldn't care less about struggling students who want to grow and put their best foot forward.

going to a school like this, i thought that i would be in a supportive environment where people would be rooting for me and supporting me, but it feels like just the opposite...

venting over -- time to get back to studying for step...

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[PathNeuroIMorFM]

part so weird (in a negative way), toxic, high-strung

despite being at a T20 school

🤔🤔🤔 Not saying it's correlated, but...

Jk jk. That's just copium because I got to a lower ranked school.

Honestly, if you're feeling very burnt out and defeated, maybe a research year/MPH at another institution might rejuvenate you. I ended up doing a research year at my own institution, but in the pathology department with a reputation for being very nice and supportive. I feel significantly more rejuvinated and ready to learn after a solid amount of time pursuing my own interests in a supportive environment, and less stress about my future match.

Definitely not necessary, but just something to think about...

 

[Esmolol]

I always enjoyed sitting in the hallway next to a meeting about student education in an office with an open door... Just a sheep listening to wolves talking about sheep...

Just think that the hoop jumping will be over some day.

 

[Goro]

; and i have bad social anxiety that magnifies all this.

Have you gone to Student Services and/or your school's counseling center to get help for this?

 

[Ellesandra319]

Have you gone to Student Services and/or your school's counseling center to get help for this?

just have to say how huge this is. lost a ton of motivation and joy heading into second semester M1 and while I never would have classified myself as depressed, after meeting with a therapist.. turns out i was! i just didn't know it lol. started therapy and medication and i'm like a different person now in the best way. only regret is not going sooner.

 

[annoyedpsychiatrist]

i think the last time i felt happy about my professional/career life was when i got into medical school. the problem isn't medicine as a profession or learning about it, but more about the people in medicine and the overall environment i've found myself in.

the personalities are for the most part so weird (in a negative way), toxic, high-strung; and i have bad social anxiety that magnifies all this. the down-to-earth, laid-back, chill personalities are few and far between. i went to a large public undergrad where my friend group and i sort of just found each other organically, but now i go to a very small med school where i feel like i've failed to find friends that i can truly open up to and be vulnerable with and i have little options to choose from to begin with.

on top of all this, i feel like my school's administration and teaching is just terrible (despite being at a T20 school). compared to those at the institution i worked and studied at before, the majority of the faculty here don't seem like they enjoy working with students, and it feels like they are only in academia to take advantage of the hierarchy in medicine to stroke their own ego/pad their own resumes. with match day now behind, i just feel dread that i will be one of the people who will go unmatched when my time comes because i feel that i'm extremely dissatisfied about my learning/progress so far, and my school admin seems like they couldn't care less about struggling students who want to grow and put their best foot forward.

going to a school like this, i thought that i would be in a supportive environment where people would be rooting for me and supporting me, but it feels like just the opposite...

venting over -- time to get back to studying for step...

Medical school is basically the hunger games. You have a bunch of overachievers together, obssessed with numbers and scores. No matter how good a school is, they still have their own interests.

The thing is, i taught myself most of the stuff i learned in medical school. You can too. Becoming a good doctor is a lifelong process and the reality is when you get to where I am youll probably forget the insertion/origin of random muscles, or random other details. Residency is really where your journey begins. Medical school just helps you build endurance and resilence.

Shifting focus can help. You can not change your medical school, but you can change your perception. What is the most important end result? That you become a doctor. What do you need to get there? How can you improve your quality of life in the meantime? Even as an attending there are times where I have to bow down, smile, and nod. But my focus isnt on the moment, its on the end result and the reason why im doing it.

 

[annoyedpsychiatrist]

just have to say how huge this is. lost a ton of motivation and joy heading into second semester M1 and while I never would have classified myself as depressed, after meeting with a therapist.. turns out i was! i just didn't know it lol. started therapy and medication and i'm like a different person now in the best way. only regret is not going sooner.

this is also good advice. im a psychiatrist, but only a few years out of residency so i still remember what it feels like. Ive seen residents and med students def struggle, but i think its harder for this population to ask for help. But the above is a good example, i think normalizing mental health more among med students/residents is important

 

[collegestud2013]

i think the last time i felt happy about my professional/career life was when i got into medical school. the problem isn't medicine as a profession or learning about it, but more about the people in medicine and the overall environment i've found myself in.

the personalities are for the most part so weird (in a negative way), toxic, high-strung; and i have bad social anxiety that magnifies all this. the down-to-earth, laid-back, chill personalities are few and far between. i went to a large public undergrad where my friend group and i sort of just found each other organically, but now i go to a very small med school where i feel like i've failed to find friends that i can truly open up to and be vulnerable with and i have little options to choose from to begin with.

on top of all this, i feel like my school's administration and teaching is just terrible (despite being at a T20 school). compared to those at the institution i worked and studied at before, the majority of the faculty here don't seem like they enjoy working with students, and it feels like they are only in academia to take advantage of the hierarchy in medicine to stroke their own ego/pad their own resumes. with match day now behind, i just feel dread that i will be one of the people who will go unmatched when my time comes because i feel that i'm extremely dissatisfied about my learning/progress so far, and my school admin seems like they couldn't care less about struggling students who want to grow and put their best foot forward.

going to a school like this, i thought that i would be in a supportive environment where people would be rooting for me and supporting me, but it feels like just the opposite...

venting over -- time to get back to studying for step...

If anything, top 20 schools will only have more gunners aiming for competitive specialties and high-ranked programs than a mid or lower tier school. And more the faculty will care only about doing cutting-edge research than true teaching (and teaching only because they're being required by their department to meet minimum teaching responsibilities). Hopefully your school is true P/F (at least for pre-clinical years); if not that's probably part of the reason it's a high-strung environment and if you're aiming for a competitive speciality you may easily get caught in the middle. If not and you're okay being at the bottom of the class (and if it's pass/fail residency programs shouldn't know) would try to stay away from the toxic enviroments.

 

[deleted1095841]

the down-to-earth, laid-back, chill personalities are few and far between.

Find those people and hang out with them!

i just feel dread that i will be one of the people who will go unmatched when my time comes

Don't worry about that just yet. Just focus on the here and now. That's what I'm doing.

 

[mudfud26]

I go to a lower ranked school and there's definitely some gunners, but a majority are very collaborative learners. I've learned some helpful ways of remembering things from my classmates. If you're in dedicated, it may be difficult to reach out to your classmates, but I hope that you can find a study group during M3 rotations.

To fight burn-out, there are 5 things I do
1. Have a hard cut-off time daily.
2. Don't study during meals.
3. Take at least one night off.
4. Take regular breaks. Make sure you give your eyes a break from close-up work by going outside or just gazing into the distance.
5. Talk to someone about how you feel. Maybe a parent/guardian, sibling, friend, or even a therapist.

Good luck! You made it to med school, and you definitely belong there!

 

[Hippocratesintraining]

I also find it helpful to shrug off any opinions others classmates have of me that are "less than".
I am not the smartest, I don't make the best grades, and I will not have 8 billion publications and have cured cancer by the time I graduate. And that is perfectly okay. When other students ask me what I am doing to improve my application, I say "just graduate and be a normal person." I have found that the more open I am about sharing struggles, I find other students confide in me that they are struggling too. Frankly, I don't have time nor the energy to care about what some young 20 something brain thinks about me.

As for the adminstration, people that make the most noise get heard and changes can occur, however I often think of it as a waste of time. I have come to accept that med school for the most part is an environment of "let me tell you how right I am and how dumb you are if you disagree with me about any issue, medical or other" I think the best method is head down, find a few people in your class you jive with based on point above and simply get through it.

Good luck studying for step!
Hang in there!

 

[MDMechEngr]

I am not the smartest, I don't make the best grades, and I will not have 8 billion publications and have cured cancer by the time I graduate.

Obviously. LOL.

 

[operaman]

I also find it helpful to shrug off any opinions others classmates have of me that are "less than".
I am not the smartest, I don't make the best grades, and I will not have 8 billion publications and have cured cancer by the time I graduate. And that is perfectly okay. When other students ask me what I am doing to improve my application, I say "just graduate and be a normal person." I have found that the more open I am about sharing struggles, I find other students confide in me that they are struggling too. Frankly, I don't have time nor the energy to care about what some young 20 something brain thinks about me.

As for the adminstration, people that make the most noise get heard and changes can occur, however I often think of it as a waste of time. I have come to accept that med school for the most part is an environment of "let me tell you how right I am and how dumb you are if you disagree with me about any issue, medical or other" I think the best method is head down, find a few people in your class you jive with based on point above and simply get through it.

Good luck studying for step!
Hang in there!

Yeah it's easy to get caught up in the rat race. Being around people with certain goals can make you feel like those are your goals too even when they aren't. Not everyone wants to be an NIH funded physician scientist when they're done, and it's easy to start feeling like you've failed or let someone down if you don't really want that too. After all, every cosmetic dermatologist in the bay area got there by convincing multiple professional adults that they really wanted to work in rural primary care and do frequent medical missions to 3rd world countries until they got to medical school and discovered they really wanted to be an academic dermatologist studying rural and underserved and diverse population needs and publish 50 papers per year while securing R01 funding.

Med school was tough because it always seemed that other people were further along than I was, but I realized that everone else felt the same way. The reason is that everyone studies and processes different things at different times. Someone who just reviewed adrenal physio seemed way more adept if I hadn't looked at that material in much depth yet. On the wards, depending on what clerkships someone had been through, they would seem to have much more advanced knowledge in those areas. In residency, you'd see wildly different skill levels depending on the point in the year - the person who just spent 6 months on a busy head and neck service was magically more comfortable operating in the neck than the person who hadn't started their 6 months yet but had been doing peds and ears; and vice versa.

Keep the focus on yourself and your own improvement, find the 2 other laid back people in your class, and keep your eye on your ultimate goal when all this is over.