Job opportunities? Or death trap

[Amazonianunite]

As a brand new grad with 130k loans graduating in a pandemic would it be stupid to accept a job opportunity from an attending who is possibly hitting on you?
Nothing aggressive or overly forward just politely letting you know '"I like you" which is still inappropriate to a student from an attending.
But with the job market being what it is, is this ok?
If maybe not for a job but a learning opportunity in a group with other students? He said he could bring me in with the group on my own time to teach my procedures.
Advice?
-PA-S2

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[M&L]

I honestly dont know what to say, or what i would do (definitely want to see what more experienced peers say), but i just wanted to say that i am so sorry you are in this situation.

Now, just to clarify: are you single? Do you like the attending? (i just want to gage if it is a potential relationship threat, or you are worried about harassment.

 

[Amazonianunite]

I honestly dont know what to say, or what i would do (definitely want to see what more experienced peers say), but i just wanted to say that i am so sorry you are in this situation.

Now, just to clarify: are you single? Do you like the attending? (i just want to gage if it is a potential relationship threat, or you are worried about harassment.

Right I should clarify. I'm not single. I have a long term partner. We're unmarried but def not on the market and I told him so. So I guess more worried about the strings. He isn't aggressive, but you don't have to be aggressive for it to be considered harassment.
Can't a guy just think you're smart aand cool and want to work with you without it being a sexual thing. These are times when you wish you were a man. On the other hand, he is extending me an opportunity that he doesn't extend to others....

 

[M&L]

Right I should clarify. I'm not single. I have a long term partner. We're unmarried but def not on the market and I told him so. So I guess more worried about the strings. He isn't aggressive, but you don't have to be aggressive for it to be considered harassment.
Can't a guy just think you're smart aand cool and want to work with you without it being a sexual thing. These are times when you wish you were a man. On the other hand, he is extending me an opportunity that he doesn't extend to others....

Yes , I see . Hmmm . Well , have you tried talking to your partner about it ?

also - it 100% depends on you and on how this person makes you feel . There were ppl who would say things like this , but I felt comfortable around them . But then there were ppl who would just give me a bad vibe . I’d say trust your instincts. Ask your guts what you should do - and go for it . At the end of the day , if you go against what your heart tells you , you might end up really hating yourself .

 

[M&L]

@LunaOri what do you think about this situation ?

 

[deleted480308]

As a brand new grad with 130k loans graduating in a pandemic would it be stupid to accept a job opportunity from an attending who is possibly hitting on you?
Nothing aggressive or overly forward just politely letting you know '"I like you" which is still inappropriate to a student from an attending.
But with the job market being what it is, is this ok?
If maybe not for a job but a learning opportunity in a group with other students? He said he could bring me in with the group on my own time to teach my procedures.
Advice?
-PA-S2

Did the offer hinge on you liking them back or were they separate things?
When you said, “sorry, not interested in a relationship” did they apologize and back off appropriately?
Do you have other job opportunities?
Are they even the hiring authority in that location?

apart from those answers, sorry you are dealing with it. It does happen to men too but anecdotally doesn’t appear to happen at near the same rate.

 

[Amazonianunite]

Thanks for the advice. I have talked to him. He feels that I should take advantage of it. Lol. But I worry that if I keep spruning his advances I can piss him(attending) off and hurt my career. I would love to hear a seasoned women in medicine opinion.

 

[M&L]

Thanks for the advice. I have talked to him. He feels that I should take advantage of it. Lol. But I worry that if I keep spruning his advances I can piss him(attending) off and hurt my career. I would love to hear a seasoned women in medicine opinion.

i tagged @LunaOri , hopefully they will see the message soon.

 

[deleted480308]

Thanks for the advice. I have talked to him. He feels that I should take advantage of it. Lol. But I worry that if I keep spruning his advances I can piss him(attending) off and hurt my career. I would love to hear a seasoned women in medicine opinion.

You said “keep” saying no, have they persisted after being clearly told no?

 

[LunaOri]

I think this offer has red flags all over it. If the attending were interested in a dating relationship, he would not have offered you a job. If he were interested in working with you as a colleague, he would not have hit on you. The fact that he did both suggests that he would like to have you around to play with/hit on.

 

[M&L]

I think this offer has red flags all over it. If the attending were interested in a dating relationship, he would not have offered you a job. If he were interested in working with you as a colleague, he would not have hit on you. The fact that he did both suggests that he would like to have you around to play with/hit on.

I never thought about it this way .... great point .

 

[Amazonianunite]

I think this offer has red flags all over it. If the attending were interested in a dating relationship, he would not have offered you a job. If he were interested in working with you as a colleague, he would not have hit on you. The fact that he did both suggests that he would like to have you around to play with/hit on.

Thank you good point. It's just as a new grad you're so financially desperate.

 

[Amazonianunite]

You said “keep” saying no, have they persisted after being clearly told no?

I'm not sure if I would call it persisted, I think some guys like to still keep a line of communication open for a window opportunity. Meaning he offers help etc. I just want to avoid being put in a corner. Because right now he is not grading me, which would be even more inappropriate.

 

[Amazonianunite]

Did the offer hinge on you liking them back or were they separate things?
When you said, “sorry, not interested in a relationship” did they apologize and back off appropriately?
Do you have other job opportunities?
Are they even the hiring authority in that location?

apart from those answers, sorry you are dealing with it. It does happen to men too but anecdotally doesn’t appear to happen at near the same rate.

These are all good questions I didn't think hard enough about. When I said I'm not interested he back peddled and said I didn't mean it like that. Typical stuff guys say but then made comments later on about if I was to go he could get to know me more etc.
I have yet to look really hard yet. I'm coming close to that time. I was wondering if I should take advantage of some of the learning opportunities he was offering with procedures first. But I think after reading what you guys are writting I am blinded by my loan price tag.
Thank you for the help!