Feeling alone in my program

[chitown2012]

Just a general rant about feeling alone in my program.
I’m in a class of 14 and so when you’re not included in social gatherings (though there are fewer of these with the pandemic) it can feel really crappy.

Some might say maybe I haven’t tried or put myself out there enough to make friends, but that’s not really the case. I’ve hosted social gatherings for the class (prior to COVID) and organized a movie club that meets every 1-2 months.

I’m a nice and generally friendly person and do pretty okay at my job as a resident.

One girl in my class is getting married soon and having it all outdoors, she is inviting multiple people in my class but I was not invited. I figured this out when another person in my program told her, in front of me, “I got your email with the date!” And another person next to her, also in my class, said “I got it too!” And then it was awkward and I realized I hadn’t been invite.
I guess it just feels crappy because I want to feel liked by my co-residents.

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[rokshana]

So we will be hearing about your program when it makes the news/social media about residents that tested positive after attending a wedding?

 

[chitown2012]

So we will be hearing about your program when it makes the news/social media about residents that tested positive after attending a wedding?

Lmao thanks I feel a little better

 

[diesuperfly]

chin up, friend. i also feel pretty isolated, and covid is not helping things with restaurant limitations on indoor seating, masking and distancing when we do see each other, etc. really makes everything a bit of a hassle. our pd is also discouraging bigger group gatherings, for good reason, but it’s as if the current circumstances have led everyone to embrace their introverted side to an uncomfortable degree...and im a hard-set introvert. this is definitely not the type of family-like, cohesive residency experience i was looking forward to/hoping for, so you’re not alone.
keep making the efforts to socialize though! things can only get better, fingers crossed. hang in there.

 

[DarkHorizon]

Sounds like a cliquey class. As a matter of principle and courtesy, we always invited all the residents to any events. Granted I was in a surgical program so not as many residents, but it was a Big family, even the residents who were quiet and reserved, everyone got invited with families to everything.

 

[NuttyEngDude]

Although it helps to have people on the inside who understand, try to talk to your med school and outside of medicine friends, it does a world of good.

 

[DrMetal]

One girl in my class is getting married soon and having it all outdoors, she is inviting multiple people in my class but I was not invited.

It's funny how as you get older, you hope to NOT get that invite and you're upset when it comes.

Ask her if you can go to her divorce party in 5 years, they're way more fun.

 

[NuttyEngDude]

It's funny how as you get older, you hope to NOT get that invite and you're upset when it comes.

+1

 

[Smurfette]

Given covid, even if she's having it outside, it may be limited in capacity. Who knows, maybe you would've been invited if they could have more people attend.

I was never invited to any of my residency classmates weddings, which to be honest, probably saved me a lot of awkward interactions and uncomfortable situations. It also saved me $ from having to purchase gifts, travel, etc. In a couple years, if not much sooner, you aren't going to care about this.

Finally, @DrMetal is right, sometimes it is a relief to not be invited to a wedding.
You know what I never mind not being invited to? Wedding and baby showers. Ugh.

 

[deleted480308]

I have been so thanful my own family serves as a built in excuse to not go to events that I don’t find enjoyable

 

[Mass Effect]

Just a general rant about feeling alone in my program.
I’m in a class of 14 and so when you’re not included in social gatherings (though there are fewer of these with the pandemic) it can feel really crappy.

Some might say maybe I haven’t tried or put myself out there enough to make friends, but that’s not really the case. I’ve hosted social gatherings for the class (prior to COVID) and organized a movie club that meets every 1-2 months.

I’m a nice and generally friendly person and do pretty okay at my job as a resident.

One girl in my class is getting married soon and having it all outdoors, she is inviting multiple people in my class but I was not invited. I figured this out when another person in my program told her, in front of me, “I got your email with the date!” And another person next to her, also in my class, said “I got it too!” And then it was awkward and I realized I hadn’t been invite.
I guess it just feels crappy because I want to feel liked by my co-residents.

I'm sorry that you weren't invited. That's so tacky of them to discuss it around you. I agree with the other poster who said it's likely due to limits due to COVID. Even though it's outside, most states have restrictions on the number of people who can be at an event. But that said, your classmate should have not invited any of you or only invited one or two if she wasn't going to invite everyone. And definitely they shouldn't have been talking about it around you.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

I'm sorry that you weren't invited. That's so tacky of them to discuss it around you. I agree with the other poster who said it's likely due to limits due to COVID. Even though it's outside, most states have restrictions on the number of people who can be at an event. But that said, your classmate should have not invited any of you or only invited one or two if she wasn't going to invite everyone. And definitely they shouldn't have been talking about it around you.

Agreed. I got married in residency and invited 1 person from the whole program, and that's because he and my wife were friends in med school. We didn't invite anyone else specifically to avoid problems like this.

 

[FrustratedFamDoc]

Being included and feeling part of a family is natural and human nature, and it stinks to be left out. I had a similar experience as well but one day, I realized that if not for residency, they weren't really the kind of people I'd typically hang out with anyway. The few times get togethers materialized and I was invited, they really weren't all that enjoyable.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Sorry that happened to you. Regardless of how I feel about not wanting to get invited, that sucks to feel that way. And we've all been there.

Give it a little more time and take the time to meet more people in the other classes. There were a couple people early in residency that I was close to and hated them for one reason or another near the end. Just participate when invited, get to know people, and find your own group.

That being said, I agree with others. You are in residency for a reason, and that is to learn medicine. I will say that I never fit in with my residency class (I was older, had older kids, etc.) and never hung out with anyone generally. I blame my family but I didn't really want to. At the end of residency, we all went our separate ways and I started fellowship. My specialty seems to have a specific personality and I was closer to my co-fellows within the first month of fellowship than I ever was with the other residents all 3 years.

You will find your people.

 

[chitown2012]

Thank you, I appreciate everyone's responses and it definitely put a smile on my face to read some of your respones.
I am an introvert and my ideal night consists of cooking while listening to a podcast. I do want to belong though, and sometimes I just don't feel like i belong with my co-residents. I'm sure none of this will matter in 5 years, heck even in 6 months I'll probably have forgotten about it.

 

[hallowmann]

Thank you, I appreciate everyone's responses and it definitely put a smile on my face to read some of your respones.
I am an introvert and my ideal night consists of cooking while listening to a podcast. I do want to belong though, and sometimes I just don't feel like i belong with my co-residents. I'm sure none of this will matter in 5 years, heck even in 6 months I'll probably have forgotten about it.

You already belong. You're there, you're working closely with them. I'm probably invited to less than half the stuff my coresidents do. Sometimes people can tell that you won't enjoy something, other times they just don't think of everyone. Since its a bigger program, I really wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Sardonix]

I have been so thanful my own family serves as a built in excuse to not go to events that I don’t find enjoyable

This is so fitting of your avatar.

 

[Apollyon]

This is so fitting of your avatar.

As is yours!