gherelin,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I can really relate because, tomorrow it will be a month since my father passed away. I am in my 4th year of med school, so less rigorous than an intern year. Never the less, it was still pretty devastating for me, I had just begun my med sub I clerkship, and I was post call (2nd day) when I suddenly take off to go down to Florida to go help take care of things. I guess my situation is a bit different, I had not seen my father for almost 3 years, and just the month prior to his death I got to spend the entire month with him while I did my peds sub I in Miami. So I consider myself very fortunate to have spent that time with him, yet I kept feeling like I could have done something being in the medical field and all. I know his death was sudden, but somehow I always feel like perhaps if I had been there another week I could have somehow picked up on some warning signs. Well needless to say, everyone at my IM sub I rotation was so supportive and wonderful, and my only way to cope was to get back to work. Although the first week back I did feel kind of spacey, not concentrating too well. When I would see patients occasionally I would think about my dad as well. However, with time I felt that this is exactly what he would have wanted, for me to get back to my work, and now having an even stronger motivation to attain my goals which is what made him so proud. As far as wanting to live closer now to your dad, I can also relate, my mom is pretty old, and I am all she has. Before my dad's death, I had wanted to apply to residency programs all over the country, location didn't matter, but after my dad died, I suddenly didn't want to be far from my mom. So I have compromised by applying to most programs close to home, but also keeping several programs further away but at least on the East coast. In your case maybe you can have your dad come stay by you a few months out of the year, maybe when you are on electives when you won't be as busy. I don't know how bad your dad's prostate ca is, but I have seen patients live for quite awhile with prostate cancer ca. even with mets. Just hang in there it will take awhile--it won't be easy, but you will get through this and I am sure your mom will have wanted you to go on and be the best doc you could be. Find the strength, in friends, family, and call people. Call friends when you don't want to be alone, just don't shut people around you out. Hang in there, and again I am sorry about your mom.