Curious about romantic experience entering medical school

[Nogain_onlybrain]

Anyone else also medical school as a virgin? I also never had a girlfriend before... it's a little hard to admit. I wonder if there are others who are as inexperienced as I am? Is it really possible to graduate medical school and finish a residency as still being dateless? Does that even happen? I figure being this busy I'd never have time for any of that stuff. Even in my first semester I can't fathom that. That means I can possibly become a 30+ year old virgin that never had a gf before, but hey I'd be a doctor! :/

Please don't tell me I'm the only one here in this situation... lol

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[Strider_91]

Anyone else also medical school as a virgin? I also never had a girlfriend before... it's a little hard to admit. I wonder if there are others who are as inexperienced as I am? Is it really possible to graduate medical school and finish a residency as still being dateless? Does that even happen? I figure being this busy I'd never have time for any of that stuff. Even in my first semester I can't fathom that. That means I can possibly become a 30+ year old virgin that never had a gf before, but hey I'd be a doctor! :/

Please don't tell me I'm the only one here in this situation... lol

My school did a survey about sexual health topics and asked if you practiced safe sex and one of the options was “I have never had sex” and there were multiple people who responded that way.

 

[mistafab]

Dude, no shame. Sex isnt a big deal. I just want to point out to you that you seem to have it in your head that you dont have any time. Is this a mental defense for you or is it a real thing? I'm in med school and have time for my GF. Shoot, besides 8:30am-6:30pm at school studying, I have plenty of time to spend with her and do things that I like.

What are your priorities? Are you scared to put yourself out there? Is something eating your time? If you really dont have the time then Id say that probably wont get better. You gotta make relationships a priority in your life (if single, make dating or going out with people a priority) if you want it in your life.

Edit: No one is perfect! Go out there and have fun! Making mistakes in relationships or whatever is not a big deal!

Anyone else also medical school as a virgin? I also never had a girlfriend before... it's a little hard to admit. I wonder if there are others who are as inexperienced as I am? Is it really possible to graduate medical school and finish a residency as still being dateless? Does that even happen? I figure being this busy I'd never have time for any of that stuff. Even in my first semester I can't fathom that. That means I can possibly become a 30+ year old virgin that never had a gf before, but hey I'd be a doctor! :/

Please don't tell me I'm the only one here in this situation... lol

 

[Brahnold Bloodaxe]

It's the cold hard world we live in brah. Ever heard of the Pareto principle? Basically, there was a 19th century Italian economist/philosopher/gangster who said that the top 20% of dudes bang 80% of thots. This has never been truer than now with instagram and other social media making it easier than ever before for thots to suss out and get in touch with the top guns while scoffing at dudes who are merely above average.

The takeway here is that Brahnold's gotta eat first, sorry but not sorry. Wait your turn.

 

[68PGunner]

No dude is a virgin especially with Jill on call 24/7, ready to service your needs.

 

[zero0]

Anyone else also medical school as a virgin? I also never had a girlfriend before... it's a little hard to admit. I wonder if there are others who are as inexperienced as I am? Is it really possible to graduate medical school and finish a residency as still being dateless? Does that even happen? I figure being this busy I'd never have time for any of that stuff. Even in my first semester I can't fathom that. That means I can possibly become a 30+ year old virgin that never had a gf before, but hey I'd be a doctor! :/

Please don't tell me I'm the only one here in this situation... lol

Never really got how this happens. I get being a virgin but not a single date? What's goin on? Don't make up excuses like you're too busy cuz it doesn't take that much time. That's only half of the equation. You need money. All those dates add up quick. Anyway, I wouldn't let it get to you too much. The whole American Pie, hurry up and do it, do it as much as you can subculture is just stupid and a surefire way to wind up with multiple VDs. No one cares if you're a virgin, well people with a life won't... Wait, you're surrounded by medical students aren't you? Yeah you're screwed. Sorry bro.

 

[Crayola227]

I knew more than one person in my class who was a virgin, and also lost their virginity during medical school.

Focus on school and making healthy life and time choices, then you can explore strategies to start dating or a relationship, if that is what you want.

Also, plenty of people find mates during residency. Or even after! Or even in their 50s! Not that it's going to take that long for you!

Point is, there is no deadline on this, really.

 

[paul Alukkas Dy]

Even I have gone through the same situation.

 

[Soccer171983]

you'll be ready when your ready. Things happen when you least expect it. Go with the flow, study hard and focus on your career. If someone pops into the picture or on your lap..... kudos!

 

[EmilKraepelin55]

Shoot, I will be a virgin all the way up until at a least month before orientation next year (me and my GF decided on the "wait until marriage" approach). We have been dating for nearly 8 years too. So, sex should definitely be the least of your concerns I think. I'm not sure how my studies will go in medical school with respect to time management, but I know that dating my person has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I would definitely try to make time to live a little during med school if you can manage it! I know that my fiancée will be a cornerstone in my life as a med student, and you may find a person that can be the same for you. Just put yourself out there!

 

[Nogain_onlybrain]

Never really got how this happens. I get being a virgin but not a single date? What's goin on? Don't make up excuses like you're too busy cuz it doesn't take that much time. That's only half of the equation. You need money. All those dates add up quick. Anyway, I wouldn't let it get to you too much. The whole American Pie, hurry up and do it, do it as much as you can subculture is just stupid and a surefire way to wind up with multiple VDs. No one cares if you're a virgin, well people with a life won't... Wait, you're surrounded by medical students aren't you? Yeah you're screwed. Sorry bro.

I... don't have the most sexually attractive appearance and personality. I know that shouldn't be an excuse... but yeah lol. I personally think I'm on the spectrum or something because something intrinsic about my personality is a real turn off to women. Who knows haha

I knew more than one person in my class who was a virgin, and also lost their virginity during medical school.

Focus on school and making healthy life and time choices, then you can explore strategies to start dating or a relationship, if that is what you want.

Also, plenty of people find mates during residency. Or even after! Or even in their 50s! Not that it's going to take that long for you!

Point is, there is no deadline on this, really.

I guess I can see myself as being one of those people who get married at 50 or 60 just so I don't go through the twilight years of my life alone... I don't really want kids either. Idk But yeah I'm definitely making my education a priority over romance right now.

 

[Nogain_onlybrain]

Even I have gone through the same situation.

Care to give more insight into it? Did you go through medical school like this too?

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

don't worry about it. some of us are late bloomers. you'll gain your stride, just don't be scared to talk to people. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, etc.

 

[WeirdWernicke]

Anyone else also medical school as a virgin? I also never had a girlfriend before... it's a little hard to admit. I wonder if there are others who are as inexperienced as I am? Is it really possible to graduate medical school and finish a residency as still being dateless? Does that even happen? I figure being this busy I'd never have time for any of that stuff. Even in my first semester I can't fathom that. That means I can possibly become a 30+ year old virgin that never had a gf before, but hey I'd be a doctor! :/

Please don't tell me I'm the only one here in this situation... lol

As a mid-20s soon-to-be medical professional that’s not normal and it will lead to a lower QoL if you don’t have that experience before 30 because you can’t afford to be in mate-seeking mode when you should be in the early prime of your career and working on kids if you want them. Everyone telling you not to worry is doing you a disservice. I get that worrying about being single is incredibly depressing, but this problem wont go away by ignoring it for a few years. If you want to have relationships with women, either 1) you’re not putting yourself out there and need to do do some hard reflection as to why or 2) there are underlying red flags that prevent you from attracting women and you need to address those (weight, anxiety, etc.). If you’re past 2nd year, I would start making changes immediately and get this cleaned up. Even in M1/2 you should be able to study with girls. That’s like the easiest way to hook-up at least, but girls are pretty picky with who they hook-up with so if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole, trying to hook-up will just be an unneeded assault on your ego. Try lowering your standards just a bit until you get more experience, but you should set goals and relative deadlines and reassess as needed so you’re not in the perpetual “working-on-oneself-but-still-single” mindset.

 

[sliceofbread136]

Dude it’s not going to fall into your lap. It doesn’t seem like this comes naturally to you which is fine, just means it’s something you will actually need to put some effort into. Start exercising (lose weight if you are chubby especially), get a nice haircut, focus on excellent hygiene, get better clothes and practice being more social so you don’t come off as awkward. You should make a goal to go on a few dates just for the practice (so when you actually find someone you like it’s not incrediably obvious you haven’t done this before).

 

[Gorne]

 

[Nogain_onlybrain]

My thoughts exactly

 

[VincentAdultman]

I saw a documentary about a guy like you....he found a couple friends where he worked and they helped him with his issue. One guy told him to just repeat everything women said in the form of questions. Another gave him a "mixtape" of all his favorite adult films from 2003. I don't remember all the details but eventually he found a girl who worked at an eBay store and they got married. So I think there's hope for you too.

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

make a tinder with pics of you in your white coat and piles of money behind you

 

[Nogain_onlybrain]

piles of money behind you

...that I owe to the government lol

 

[Disciple of Sattar]

...that I owe to the government lol

They don't have to know

 

[zero0]

I... don't have the most sexually attractive appearance and personality. I know that shouldn't be an excuse... but yeah lol. I personally think I'm on the spectrum or something because something intrinsic about my personality is a real turn off to women. Who knows haha



I guess I can see myself as being one of those people who get married at 50 or 60 just so I don't go through the twilight years of my life alone... I don't really want kids either. Idk But yeah I'm definitely making my education a priority over romance right now.

Ok ok now we're getting somewhere. Question is do you just want to lose it or lose it to the right person? Cuz the first one's easy. Basically get dressed up, get your friends, go to a bar, talk to drunk girls, be fake like everyone in there, trashy girls will eat it up, profit...

 

[Nogain_onlybrain]

Ok ok now we're getting somewhere. Question is do you just want to lose it or lose it to the right person? Cuz the first one's easy. Basically get dressed up, get your friends, go to a bar, talk to drunk girls, be fake like everyone in there, trashy girls will eat it up, profit...

At this point I just want to lose it right the right person. Maybe I'll find someone as awkward as I am lol. I don't really want to learn how to "game" if I'm already this late in the game especially for how busy I am. So yeah.

 

[kelminak]

At this point I just want to lose it right the right person. Maybe I'll find someone as awkward as I am lol. I don't really want to learn how to "game" if I'm already this late in the game especially for how busy I am. So yeah.

There's no game to finding someone. If you want to find a good relationship, you need to better yourself to the point where you're valuable on your own, then add someone who makes it even better.

Starting with yourself, you explicitly said you don't think your looks and personality are good enough. There are TONS of ways you can easily improve your looks. Reddit has specific advice subreddits for guys on how to dress better, get a good haircut, and work out. These are things that are entirely within your control and if you put effort into, it will pay off proportionally.

The personality part? It's probably because you try way too hard. You say that your personality is a "turn off to women", but it's not hard to act appropriately. You treat them like a normal person with the same hopes and dreams you have. When you try too hard, you end up coming across as desperate or needy. There's obviously a balance between not being desperate and being completely dismissive, but as long as you keep your cool and don't obsess over every little thing a girl does or doesn't do, I'm sure you are fine and have redeeming qualities about your personality.

 

[Gurby]

Maybe I'll find someone as awkward as I am lol. I don't really want to learn how to "game" if I'm already this late in the game especially for how busy I am. So yeah.

Problem is two awkward people are never going to find each other and connect...

Case in point: I had a crush on this girl in high school for a long time but I was too nervous and awkward around her to make eye contact or conversation at all. Think I sent her a random drunken facebook message at some point in college and was like hey, hope you're doing well, I had a big crush on you in high school! She responded that she had a crush on me for a long time too. One of the biggest /facepalm moments of my life so far. So much teenage angst for no good reason! That nervous awkwardness gets interpreted as disinterest.

Even if you're awkward at heart, you at least need to learn to fake it a little bit. Learning the "game" (social skills in other words) will undoubtedly make you a better doctor too, so get cracking!

And by "game" I don't mean TRP... I mean go watch videos about body language, eye contact, how to make conversation like a normal human, etc. This stuff has all been documented, studied, and you can get better at it if you put in the effort.

 

[sliceofbread136]

Ok ok now we're getting somewhere. Question is do you just want to lose it or lose it to the right person? Cuz the first one's easy. Basically get dressed up, get your friends, go to a bar, talk to drunk girls, be fake like everyone in there, trashy girls will eat it up, profit...

Do you really think someone who has never been on a date is just gonna throw on some nice clothes and instantly get laid at a bar? I guarantee what would happen is that he would stand around awkwardly the whole night and it would 100% not work

 

[IMG69]

Get a hooker, tell her you're a virgin, she'll play nice. Poof, you can now focus 100% on med school.

 

[sliceofbread136]

Get a hooker, tell her you're a virgin, she'll play nice. Poof, you can now focus 100% on med school.

More like focus on the raging Herpes said hooker will give him.

 

[Stagg737]

There's no game to finding someone. If you want to find a good relationship, you need to better yourself to the point where you're valuable on your own, then add someone who makes it even better.

Starting with yourself, you explicitly said you don't think your looks and personality are good enough. There are TONS of ways you can easily improve your looks. Reddit has specific advice subreddits for guys on how to dress better, get a good haircut, and work out. These are things that are entirely within your control and if you put effort into, it will pay off proportionally.

The personality part? It's probably because you try way too hard. You say that your personality is a "turn off to women", but it's not hard to act appropriately. You treat them like a normal person with the same hopes and dreams you have. When you try too hard, you end up coming across as desperate or needy. There's obviously a balance between not being desperate and being completely dismissive, but as long as you keep your cool and don't obsess over every little thing a girl does or doesn't do, I'm sure you are fine and have redeeming qualities about your personality.

I think this post is pretty spot on with everything. You don't have to have model good looks or be the life of the party to meet most girls' standards. You just need to look like you're put together well/actually care about yourself and convey a little confidence. I'm not a bad looking guy, but I'm definitely no model either. My day to day appearance is pretty laid back (basketball shorts/scrub pants and t-shirts and comfy jackets) and if I haven't shaved for a few days and dress like that I'd probably be around a 3-6 depending on the girl. When I actually get my hair cut, shave, put some time into my appearance and wear something a little more classy, I've had friends tell me I'm way higher than a 4 or 5 on the 10 scale. So even if you're legitimately a 1 or 2, you can do a lot by taking care of the little things.

I'll also attest to the personality/trying to hard part in bold. I was really anxious about dating and seeing people in high school to the point that the few dates I went on were pretty awkward. When I started college I made a conscious decision that I would just have fund and that I wasn't going to care about if some people didn't like the "real me". No, I didn't make friends with everyone, but I was way more popular than I was in high school and my dating life was what I'd consider very successful.

@Nogain_onlybrain , I think something you need to realize is that even if you do everything right, you're going to fail. Chances are you're going to fail a lot (especially since you have no experience and are behind in the social/dating game). That's okay though, each date gives you more experience and tells you not only a little more about what works and what doesn't, it let's you start to figure out what you actually want out of a partner. Sometimes it might get you down, and that is normal. Just remember there are literally billions of people on this planet. So take care of the little things in your control (grooming, hygiene, availability when possible, etc) and just jump into it. For now, just focus on dating and don't worry about sex yet, that'll come with time and experience.

Problem is two awkward people are never going to find each other and connect...

Case in point: I had a crush on this girl in high school for a long time but I was too nervous and awkward around her to make eye contact or conversation at all. Think I sent her a random drunken facebook message at some point in college and was like hey, hope you're doing well, I had a big crush on you in high school! She responded that she had a crush on me for a long time too. One of the biggest /facepalm moments of my life so far. So much teenage angst for no good reason! That nervous awkwardness gets interpreted as disinterest.

Hey, never say never. I had a pretty big crush on a co-worker when I was starting college but didn't think she was interested in me. Found out 5 years later she had a huge crush on me and that we'd just been too shy to approach each other because we thought things were platonic and didn't want to ruin our friendship. Started dating right after that and now the most awkward part of our relationship is when our parents ask when they're going to get grandkids!

 

[WingedOx]

Get a hooker, tell her you're a virgin. Decide to sit and talk in the hotel room all night. Complain about "phonies". Decide to return to prep school after all

FTFY

 

[787593]

Don't have sex, you'll get pregnant and die.

 

[787593]

More like focus on the raging Herpes said hooker will give him.

It builds character

 

[787593]

On a serious note though, are you able to make new friends? That is step one of building a relationship with a girl.



This reminded me that I want to reread that book

dude, your profile pic, niceeeeee