arrogant or confident

[Skysundoll]

Hey guys,
I need a dating advice ; though this topic has been discussed plenty but here I go again ...
I'm a 4th yr dental student and will be starting residency soon. I met this guy, he is a surgery resident, at the hospital I attend, He came up to me and started talking , was cute and very charming. long story short , we've been on couple of dates,, he is sweet and charming BUT,, he is very arrogant ! example, he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist ! so the last time we saw eachother, i told him that he is very arrogant and he said " ofcourse babe , i'm becoming a surgeon i have to be confident" ...so now he asked me to be is gf and I like him, we connect well and have so much fun but sometimes he makes me feel like he is better than me ,, am i reading too much into this? what y'all think ?

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[deleted480308]

Hey guys,
I need a dating advice ; though this topic has been discussed plenty but here I go again ...
I'm a 4th yr dental student and will be starting residency soon. I met this guy, he is a surgery resident, at the hospital I attend, He came up to me and started talking , was cute and very charming. long story short , we've been on couple of dates,, he is sweet and charming BUT,, he is very arrogant ! example, he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist ! so the last time we saw eachother, i told him that he is very arrogant and he said " ofcourse babe , i'm becoming a surgeon i have to be confident" ...so now he asked me to be is gf and I like him, we connect well and have so much fun but sometimes he makes me feel like he is better than me ,, am i reading too much into this? what y'all think ?

He sounds like a tool

If you want to spend your life with a cute, wealthy tool then go ahead

I'd propose you deserve better than that

 

[Skysundoll]

He sounds like a tool

If you want to spend your life with a cute, wealthy tool then go ahead

I'd propose you deserve better than that

thanks for the response ; that seems to be the general consensus.. him being so charming is my problem though

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

thanks for the response ; that seems to be the general consensus.. him being so charming is my problem though

It's not a problem if you quit engaging with him.

 

[Saddleshoes]

Sky
Find yourself a nice, quietly confident Plumber.
He will respect you, have 0 student debt, work a better schedule and be able to fix stuff around the house.

 

[Skysundoll]

It's not a problem if you quit engaging with him.

I knowwww! it's my fault

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

He sounds like someone who needs to put someone else down to stroke his ego. The difference between confidence and arrogance is that confident people do not constantly try to showcase how confident they are and how much better they are than others. In fact, I would counter that his "charm" is a defense mechanism for some deep seated insecurities (speaking as a surgeon, our field is full of these idiots, trust me), which is why he is putting you down for being a dentist. You can casually remind him that most general surgeons work like dogs for crap pay, and dentists make bank and get to go home at a reasonable hour. Not much of an upgrade, is he?

Tell him (nicely) that you like him but don't appreciate being put down, and if he doesn't change his tune, drop him. There are many men who will be glad to take his place.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

Hey guys,
I need a dating advice ; though this topic has been discussed plenty but here I go again ...
I'm a 4th yr dental student and will be starting residency soon. I met this guy, he is a surgery resident, at the hospital I attend, He came up to me and started talking , was cute and very charming. long story short , we've been on couple of dates,, he is sweet and charming BUT,, he is very arrogant ! example, he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist ! so the last time we saw eachother, i told him that he is very arrogant and he said " ofcourse babe , i'm becoming a surgeon i have to be confident" ...so now he asked me to be is gf and I like him, we connect well and have so much fun but sometimes he makes me feel like he is better than me ,, am i reading too much into this? what y'all think ?

He's right and your ego is hurt, women like to date higher on the social ladder, you could always go date a dental assistant or a plumber, but you probably aren't doing that unless he is at least a 9/10 in looks. Its really annoying when women aren't honest with themselves

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

He's right and your ego is hurt, women like to date higher on the social ladder, you could always go date a dental assistant or a plumber, but you probably aren't doing that unless he is at least a 9/10 in looks. Its really annoying when women aren't honest with themselves

What about her post makes you say this? Her issue is with his arrogance and putting her down. That doesn't automatically equal a hurt ego from someone climbing a social ladder. People have a right to be upset when their SO puts them down. You made a lot of assumptions there.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

What about her post makes you say this? Her issue is with his arrogance and putting her down. That doesn't automatically equal a hurt ego from someone climbing a social ladder. People have a right to be upset when their SO puts them down. You made a lot of assumptions there.

"he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist !"

When did he put her down? When he said "upgrade" he meant that women like to date above them on the social ladder ( not that she was low quality) thus nurses go after doctors, dentist go after doctors, even within medicine female peds go after specialist, etc. Whether people like to admit this or not, the title a man holds mean something to women they are dating, mostly because women have a VERY annoying habit of giving a damn what friends and family think of the people they are dating. Even if the plumber is a nice guy and has no debt " plumber" just doesnt have the same society prestige attached to it as " surgeon" and women can't really brag about how their SO is a plumber to their friends, most women are in constant competition with each other and a girl with no educatin who landed a doctor will think she is superior to a girl who is a dentist and dating a plumber, its stupid but tends to be the way women think.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

"he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist !"

When did he put her down? Most of the quote are assumptions she made about what he thinks. When he said "upgrade" he meant that women like to date above them on the social ladder ( not that she was low quality) thus nurses go after doctors, dentist go after doctors, even within medicine female peds go after specialist, etc. Whether people like to admit this or not, the title a man holds mean something to women they are dating, mostly because women have a VERY annoying habit of giving a damn what friends and family think of the people they are dating. Even if the plumber is a nice guy and has no debt " plumber" just doesn't have the same society prestige attached to it as " surgeon" and women can't really brag about how their SO is a plumber to their friends, most women are in constant competition with each other and a girl with no education who landed a doctor will think she is superior to a girl who is a dentist and dating a plumber, its stupid but tends to be the way women think.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

"he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist !"

When did he put her down? Most of the quote are assumptions she made about what he thinks. When he said "upgrade" he meant that women like to date above them on the social ladder ( not that she was low quality) thus nurses go after doctors, dentist go after doctors, even within medicine female peds go after specialist, etc. Whether people like to admit this or not, the title a man holds mean something to women they are dating, mostly because women have a VERY annoying habit of giving a damn what friends and family think of the people they are dating. Even if the plumber is a nice guy and has no debt " plumber" just doesn't have the same society prestige attached to it as " surgeon" and women can't really brag about how their SO is a plumber to their friends, most women are in constant competition with each other and a girl with no education who landed a doctor will think she is superior to a girl who is a dentist and dating a plumber, its stupid but tends to be the way women think.

Ah, another product of Reddit. Just what we needed.

 

[DokterMom]

He 'negged' you. When he said he didn't care if his gf/future wife is educated or not, he is devaluing what you bring to the table. Imagine how he'd react if you said you didn't care at all about your future husband's career prestige and income so long as he was kind and supportive and an involved father to your future children. Tell him you'd rather date someone who does appreciate your intelligence, capability and ambition.

Men who are genuinely confident will be proud to date you, be proud of your accomplishments, and not feel threatened or belittled by your success.

This is a red flag OP. Don't ignore it --

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

"he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist !"

When did he put her down? When he said "upgrade" he meant that women like to date above them on the social ladder ( not that she was low quality) thus nurses go after doctors, dentist go after doctors, even within medicine female peds go after specialist, etc. Whether people like to admit this or not, the title a man holds mean something to women they are dating, mostly because women have a VERY annoying habit of giving a damn what friends and family think of the people they are dating. Even if the plumber is a nice guy and has no debt " plumber" just doesnt have the same society prestige attached to it as " surgeon" and women can't really brag about how their SO is a plumber to their friends, most women are in constant competition with each other and a girl with no educatin who landed a doctor will think she is superior to a girl who is a dentist and dating a plumber, its stupid but tends to be the way women think.

Calling an aspiring dental career "cute" IS putting someone down. It's invalidating their job, which is actually just as important as being a surgeon.
Sounds like you have a very distorted view of how "women think."

 

[psychMDhopefully]

Ah, another product of Reddit. Just what we needed.

Absolutly no counter argument? exactly.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Absolutly no counter argument? exactly.

I'd say no, women aren't like that. You'd whine and say yes they are based on your indirect experience. We'll get nowhere.

All I will say is, I've moved in professional circles most of my adult life and the vast majority of women I know are (happily) in relationships with men who have "lesser" careers and they don't care. We don't brag, or even talk beyond general answers to "Oh, what does your SO do?" No one cares.

The demographic you're describing are typically young, superficial, insecure women that you encounter in college and such. Given your age, this is probably all that you have been exposed to, so that is a significant limiting factor combined with the media, TV, ("Real Housewives" and all that horse hockey) etc. The male counterpart is the frat bros who brag about the size of their girlfriends' tits/ass/dick sucking ability/etc. Is that representative of all men and what they value in a relationship with women? Jokes aside, of course not. Just as the idea of the career and status-obsessed woman is not representative either. Take it from a female who has likely had FAR more interact with women than you have. I have never dated a man with a higher "status" than me in my entire life, and I frankly don't care.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

I'd say no, women aren't like that. You'd whine and say yes they are based on your indirect experience. We'll get nowhere.

All I will say is, I've moved in professional circles most of my adult life and the vast majority of women I know are (happily) in relationships with men who have "lesser" careers and they don't care. We don't brag, or even talk beyond general answers to "Oh, what does your SO do?" No one cares.

The demographic you're describing are typically young, superficial, insecure women that you encounter in college and such. Given your age, this is probably all that you have been exposed to, so that is a significant limiting factor combined with the media, TV, ("Real Housewives" and all that horse hockey) etc. The male counterpart is the frat bros who brag about the size of their girlfriends' tits/ass/dick sucking ability/etc. Is that representative of all men and what they value in a relationship with women? Jokes aside, of course not. Just as the idea of the career and status-obsessed woman is not representative either. Take it from a female who has likely had FAR more interact with women than you have. I have never dated a man with a higher "status" than me in my entire life, and I frankly don't care.

Wow, this completely misses the mark but I'll try my best to respond. Most of your post is just you citing your n=1 experience anyway so here we go


For the first red statement, that's because most of your friends are probably older professional women like yourself, older women usually take what they can get, and professional women are high earners and tend to not give a damn about traditional gender roles anyway so they don't care what their partner does, most women are not high earning professionals however and still want a high status provider.

For the second statement, you have no idea what my age is or what I have been exposed to, and I don't watch TV

For the third statement I never said women are career status obsessed, but you are full of it to think that women don't care about social status, the only women who tend not to care as much, like I said before, are professional women, most women aren't highly educated high earning professional women

For the 4th statement yeah that's you but your experience isn't typical.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Wow, this completely misses the mark but I'll try my best to respond. Most of your post is just you citing your n=1 experience anyway so here we go


For the first red statement, that's because most of your friends are probably older professional women like yourself, older women usually take what they can get, and professional women are high earners and tend to not give a damn about traditional gender roles anyway so they don't care what their partner does, most women are not high earning professionals however and still want a high status provider.

For the second statement, you have no idea what my age is or what I have been exposed to, and I don't watch TV

For the third statement I never said women are career status obsessed, but you are full of it to think that women don't care about social status, the only women who tend not to care as much, like I said before, are professional women, most women aren't highly educated high earning professional women

For the 4th statement yeah that's you but your experience isn't typical.

How old exactly do you think I am? The women I'm talking about are in their 20s and 30s (and most of their long-term relationships started earlier than that, obviously).

Like I said, not even worth it. I'll leave you to your sad little worldview.

You're completely set in your beliefs and not even open to listening to someone who is part of, and who has spent her entire life surrounded by, the very sex you are trying to describe.

Cool. Go back to MGTOWing or whatever it is you do.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

How old exactly do you think I am? The women I'm talking about are in their 20s and 30s (and most of their long-term relationships started earlier than that, obviously).

Like I said, not even worth it. I'll leave you to your sad little worldview.

You're completely set in your beliefs and not even open to listening to someone who is part of, and who has spent her entire life surrounded by, the very sex you are trying to describe.

Cool. Go back to MGTOWing or whatever it is you do.

Same

 

[Skysundoll]

He's right and your ego is hurt, women like to date higher on the social ladder, you could always go date a dental assistant or a plumber, but you probably aren't doing that unless he is at least a 9/10 in looks. Its really annoying when women aren't honest with themselves

He 'negged' you. When he said he didn't care if his gf/future wife is educated or not, he is devaluing what you bring to the table. Imagine how he'd react if you said you didn't care at all about your future husband's career prestige and income so long as he was kind and supportive and an involved father to your future children. Tell him you'd rather date someone who does appreciate your intelligence, capability and ambition.

Men who are genuinely confident will be proud to date you, be proud of your accomplishments, and not feel threatened or belittled by your success.

This is a red flag OP. Don't ignore it --

matter of fact , one of my friends just gave me a similar advice and i did tell him that.... In response he just started laughing and said " of course I care about a girl's education; as long as you work part time and take care of me " ... just told him I'm not interested anymore and now he keeps calling and texting trying to explain what he meant and the fact that we look good together... whatever that means..I feel like he is playing mind games with me and it's just too much.

 

[DokterMom]

He might be playing games. Or honestly, he might be such a total narcissist that he actually isn't playing games, and genuinely thinks the fact that you "look good together" is somehow relevant. Truly, that's much worse.

So it's great that you're a dentist - cool! (Bragging rights for him. She's hot and a dentist! He can spin that...) So long as you know your place (somewhere beneath him) and take care of him.

Yuck.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

matter of fact , one of my friends just gave me a similar advice and i did tell him that.... In response he just started laughing and said " of course I care about a girl's education; as long as you work part time and take care of me " ... just told him I'm not interested anymore and now he keeps calling and texting trying to explain what he meant and the fact that we look good together... whatever that means..I feel like he is playing mind games with me and it's just too much.

He sounds like a douche.

 

[Skysundoll]

He sounds like a douche.

i'm so disappointed at myself for not walking away sooner ; I fell for his charm or whatever it was ..

 

[CetiAlphaFive]

Hey guys,
I need a dating advice ; though this topic has been discussed plenty but here I go again ...
I'm a 4th yr dental student and will be starting residency soon. I met this guy, he is a surgery resident, at the hospital I attend, He came up to me and started talking , was cute and very charming. long story short , we've been on couple of dates,, he is sweet and charming BUT,, he is very arrogant ! example, he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist ! so the last time we saw eachother, i told him that he is very arrogant and he said " ofcourse babe , i'm becoming a surgeon i have to be confident" ...so now he asked me to be is gf and I like him, we connect well and have so much fun but sometimes he makes me feel like he is better than me ,, am i reading too much into this? what y'all think ?

He sounds like the late bloomer, self-help book kinda arrogance.

To be more clear, it sounds like he is artificially confident

 

[DokterMom]

He sounds like a douche.

Exactly. The tl;dr version.

i'm so disappointed at myself for not walking away sooner ; I fell for his charm or whatever it was ..

It's OK Melania. You've got plenty of company.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

He might be playing games. Or honestly, he might be such a total narcissist that he actually isn't playing games, and genuinely thinks the fact that you "look good together" is somehow relevant. Truly, that's much worse.

So it's great that you're a dentist - cool! (Bragging rights for him. She's hot and a dentist! He can spin that...) So long as you know your place (somewhere beneath him) and take care of him.

Yuck.

I think you absolutely nailed it here.

He's looking for smart arm-candy, nothing more.

 

[Goro]

Hey guys,
I need a dating advice ; though this topic has been discussed plenty but here I go again ...
I'm a 4th yr dental student and will be starting residency soon. I met this guy, he is a surgery resident, at the hospital I attend, He came up to me and started talking , was cute and very charming. long story short , we've been on couple of dates,, he is sweet and charming BUT,, he is very arrogant ! example, he said he doesn't care if his gf or future wife is uneducated but girls like me when it comes to dating have to " upgrade" and i guess he thought he was the " upgrade" and how " cute " it was that I'm becoming a dentist ! so the last time we saw eachother, i told him that he is very arrogant and he said " ofcourse babe , i'm becoming a surgeon i have to be confident" ...so now he asked me to be is gf and I like him, we connect well and have so much fun but sometimes he makes me feel like he is better than me ,, am i reading too much into this? what y'all think ?

Run from this guy like the plague or your life with him will be a living hell.
You've been warned.

 

[Moose A Moose]

He sounds young. Am I correct, OP? I'm also going to assume he's in his intern year. Sadly, he won't mature to a date-able level for another year or two after his ego has been battered and smashed down by real life and actually being a physician (versus getting off on watching Nip/Tuck).

Unless you're the type that has fun with arrogant banter and can dish it back (which some couples truly enjoy), I'd back away (especially because you also sound young, and genuinely a sweetheart).

There are plenty of charming fish out there.

 

[ThoracicGuy]

How old exactly do you think I am? The women I'm talking about are in their 20s and 30s (and most of their long-term relationships started earlier than that, obviously).

Like I said, not even worth it. I'll leave you to your sad little worldview.

You're completely set in your beliefs and not even open to listening to someone who is part of, and who has spent her entire life surrounded by, the very sex you are trying to describe.

Cool. Go back to MGTOWing or whatever it is you do.

 

[Winged Scapula]

When you said you'd been on a "couple of dates" were you underplaying it? Because for him to "ask <you> to be his GF" and not stop calling you after you told him you weren't interested after TWO dates sounds awfully immature.

 

[RADRULES]

He probably is packing a small member downtown and can't deliver the goods and thus is trying to overcompensate ...... btw can you post a pic of yourself?

 

[Stroganoff]

Sky
Find yourself a nice, quietly confident Plumber.
He will respect you, have 0 student debt, work a better schedule and be able to fix stuff around the house.

Unless the plumber takes after-hours call. My vote is for electrician. How often do light fixtures spring a leak in the middle of the night vs pipes bursting or water heaters crapping out? Most electrical work is done during the day. I'm splitting hairs and digressing, and I agree with the point you were trying to make.

Incidentally, I know a family friend who's a master plumber and master electrician, and I admire his skills.