Anyone start medical school with an infant?

[Geekchick921]

I have seen posts about women that start medical school with 1 or more toddlers and preschoolers, but has anyone here started with an infant?

I am applying in 2010 for the class of 2015. My husband (who is very supportive) and I have a 1 year old (my avatar image is her ultrasound from last summer). We have always talked about having four kids when all is said and done, and the current idea is to pop out baby #2 in mid to late spring 2011. Our daughter would be about 2 3/4 years old and the baby would be 3 to 4 months old when I matriculate if I am accepted in the next year.

I figure this way our daughter has a sibling semi-close to her in age, and I could avoid having another baby through most of medical school. I don't want a huge age gap between our first and all of her future siblings, but I don't like the idea of morning sickness in conjunction with anatomy lab. We were considering having any additional kids during my 4th year and then a few years into my residency, but that's far from set in stone.

Thankfully, our firstborn has been a pretty easy child but I know the next one may not be so pleasant. As it stands my mother and sister live in the area so we have some family support (we're not opposed to moving for my education but we live in the Philadelphia area and there are 5 medical schools here and I am hopeful we can stay here), and my husband is hoping to be in a position to work from home in the next few years, but we're not relying on that. Am I crazy for considering this? I feel like this idea is the lesser of several evils.

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[jinx520]

I'm not in med school (yet--crosses fingers), but I did start undergrad with an infant and had another one before I graduated. I know, nowhere near as hard as med school, but still took a lot of planning and organization to make it doable.

My mother lived nearby and was able to watch the kids while I was in school, so that was immensely helpful. I've also spoke to several women who have had babies in med school and they say while it is difficult it is doable. My advice (which I'm following myself) is: really research the schools you are applying to--if the school has a lot of non-traditional students they will probably be more accomodating to parents, in case the need arises. Ask if the school has mandatory attendance for all lectures, or if they have lectures online and mandatory attendance for labs and clinical stuff only. It would be helpful to know if you can be okay to miss a lecture here or there, in case of morning sickness, doctor's appointments, etc. MomMD also has a list going of family-friendly med schools, although I haven't been on the site in a long time and I don't know how current the list is. And MAKE SURE you have a proper support system in place. My mother is prepared to relocate if/when I get accepted, which I'm grateful for.

A similar question was being discussed on the non-trad forum a while back. Many med students recommended relocating at least a month before school starts in order to get your family settled before having to focus on med school. There are also several people on the non-trad forum who have had babies while in school, you might want to lurk there for a while.

My own personal bit of advice is to get organized now. Figure out what things are most important for your family to get accomplished, devise systems in order to make it easier to do and keep track of, and get into the habit of doing them. It really makes life a hundred times easier if you know exactly where everything is at a given moment, and when you need to do a particular thing. Some of my favorite authors are Julie Morgenstern for organizing and time management, and Jeff Campbell for cleaning (yeah, I know. Before I read his books I was like "pfft. I KNOW how to clean!" But his system is so efficient that you get it done so much more quickly. I could clean a 4-bedroom house, top to bottom, including scrubbing the kitchen floor and scrubbing down both bathrooms, in under an hour by myself.)

Anyhow, good luck and I shall now defer to the people who are actually in med school and know from whence they speak. Happy New Year!

 

[Scorpiomd]

OP, that is my plan exactly, except this will be my 4th and last child. My older ones will be 7, 4, and 2 when I start med school in July and the baby will be 4 months. All of my kids slept through the night by that age so it should work. Better yet, it has to work. I'll make it work!

 

[Geekchick921]

I like your attitude, Scorpio! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one!

 

[tr]

I think that timing is a good idea actually. First and second years of med school are not a bad time to have an infant (relatively speaking), they're plenty of work but it's pretty flexible. I found I saved a lot of time by skipping class and using the time to study. By the time you're in 3rd year the baby will be 2 and should be better able to handle the longer separation times.

If you do have another baby in 4th year it would make sense to take a year off or a cushy research year so you don't start internship with a one-year-old. I know my 1-y/o doesn't handle my night shifts at all well; 30 hours at a time would be a total nightmare for both her and my poor husband.

Overall though, I would honestly think hard about the compatibility of a medical career with having 4 children. Depending on your specialty of course, but I can think of only 2 or 3 that are really compatible with a significant family life. And even if you pick the cushiest imaginable specialty you will still have to do 3rd year of med school and 1st year of residency, which are a LOT of hours for someone with small children.

We have one attending who has 4 kids and residents are constantly complaining about her because she gives her teaching responsibilities terribly short shrift so she can spend more time with her kids. I understand that urge and I sure don't blame her for that allocation of priorities given that she already HAS the 4 kids, but I do kind of question her judgement for taking on both the large family and the responsibilities of an academic medical career.

You can have it all, but you can't have it all *well*. IMO.

 

[Geekchick921]

I think that timing is a good idea actually. First and second years of med school are not a bad time to have an infant (relatively speaking), they're plenty of work but it's pretty flexible. I found I saved a lot of time by skipping class and using the time to study. By the time you're in 3rd year the baby will be 2 and should be better able to handle the longer separation times.

This is my thinking as well. I'm glad I'm getting some agreement here.

If you do have another baby in 4th year it would make sense to take a year off or a cushy research year so you don't start internship with a one-year-old. I know my 1-y/o doesn't handle my night shifts at all well; 30 hours at a time would be a total nightmare for both her and my poor husband.

If that's what happens, that may be how it goes. Like I said, that's certainly not set in stone, just ideas kicking around in my head about when we may want to have more children.

*snip*

You can have it all, but you can't have it all *well*. IMO.

I agree. I function very well with a lot on my plate, but I also understand that there are only so many hours in the day. Hopefully, I fall in love with a specialty that's more family-friendly than most, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I may want to teach some day, but I don't think I would do that until my children were at least in high school.

Thank you very much for the response.